I procrastinated writing a blog about Dad yesterday. To be honest, I sat at my computer, and the words didn’t come. So instead of trying to force it, and lay down some generic version of a story which would only speak to the surface of who Dad is…. I decided to forego the blog all together. As much as procrastination is usually a word that is used to define an undesirable characteristic… this time it proved to be beneficial.
I’m just getting home from taking Hudson to watch How to Train Your Dragon – 2… and yes, leave it up to Dreamworks to provide an epiphany during a children’s movie. The main character in the movie said that he had spent his entire life trying not to become his father, but it is only now that he is realizing that it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be like his father, but because he never believed that he could become something as great as his father.
That hit me hard, ya’ll.
When it came time for me to leave home for college, I sprinted out of New Mexico. Independence blazing a new trail. I ran as far away as I could, and tried my damnedest to lead a life that didn’t resemble that of my parents. And, at first, I succeeded. I succeeded pretty well, actually. There isn’t a bit of my “post-high school” life that looks anything similar to what my parents created. It isn’t until now that I’m starting to notice the qualities that my parents engrained. And maybe it is only now… now that I’m an adult… a parent… that I’m starting to see how great my parents really were. And by way of this epiphany, I’m starting to realize that my parents are just people… they aren’t super-beings… or higher-powers that are immune to making mistakes, bad decisions, and they maybe don’t have all of the answers.
It has only been in the last few years that my relationship with Dad has taken a different course. At some point I stopped thinking of him as my invincible Daddy, and started to see him as a person. Our relationship has changed from Daddy-Daughter, Protector-Protectee, Mentor-Student…. into Friends.
And it is only now that I can see who he really is… and see what his intentions have been all along. So, it is only fitting that I can begin to stop being terrified about turning into him (and my Mom), and I can strive to do exactly that.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad… a day late.
I also realized this Father’s Day that I have very few photos of Dad and Mom. I hope to change that soon.