For a very short time in college I held the women’s record for the highest power clean weight lifted within the UNLV athletic department. I was quickly beat out the following season by a basketball player, but for a while there… the glory was all mine. Looking back on it, I’m not sure why this would have been something that I enjoyed. The idea of lifting the weight of another human being with sheer strength makes me very, very tired. But I would enjoy having those quads back.
There is no point to the random fact I just shared with you. No point at all. I actually can’t even think of a good segue that will get me to the point of this blog.
But, I do want to let you guys know that four of my beautiful couples and their swoon-worthy weddings are featured over on TheKnot.com!
Please head over to see all of the wonderful details from these beautiful weddings!!
I just got off the phone with my husband. We had a short, but efficient conversation. Some really big topics were discussed, and real communication took place even though it was such a short exchange. Sometimes I am sure that he thinks that I am not listening to him, but I really am. More than he knows, actually. My brain doesn’t really function well unless if things are good between him and I. If we’re at odds then my brain seems to sprint around in circles never really being able to settle into concentration throughout the day. It seems that right above my left ear there is this pull. A pull… that brings me right back to why things aren’t going okay, and what… if anything I can do to fix it. I hear all of the words he says to me over, and over, and over again. I analyze them. I twist them. I let them keep me in a place of constant tornado. I can.not.function. until the tornado stops.
Today he mentioned to me that my perspective is off. That I am looking at the bad instead of all of the good. That I’m harping on making everything perfect… making him perfect… and not allowing the good to come with the bad, and that maybe all I need is to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective.
Sometimes I have to start writing before I can figure out what the title of a blog post will be. Which is what is happening now, because I have too many thoughts, and I’m not quite sure what this blog post is going to become.
My boys and I have been gone for several days… on what seems like a mini-game of The Amazing Race… except that we didn’t hop around in different countries; rather, in the southwestern portion of the United States. Five states in nine days. One might think that I’m brave… but stupid might be a more accurate description. But… I digress… because my boys were actually pretty awesome travelers, and I couldn’t have asked for better behavior and more amazing memories!
It wasn’t until yesterday that things got a little complicated. Returning home… with stacks of to-do’s to get ready for the week and mounds of laundry truncating your every thought… can make a girl go crazy. And, thus make a girl’s husband even crazier. So, we argued. We fought. And we have yet to make up. But before I went to bed last night… as I folded mound after mound of laundry, and Bravo played in the background… I thought about how long we have been having these same type of arguments. There was a span of about three years that we argued about my photography business… almost daily.
And in Fraser’s defense, he was right. My business wasn’t making any money, and it was pulling me away from our quickly-growing family. It was keeping me up late at night, and stretching me too thin. But I would cry and cry to him that the business was my sanity. It was mine, and I wanted to keep it. I wanted more than anything… somewhere to escape. Because being a stay-at-home mom wasn’t in the plans for me. As much as I love my boys… I’m just not good at housekeeping… housewiving… cooking… laundering. As much work as there is to be done at home… it’s not enough for me. I need something to challenge me, and I need to be able to create. I spent 4 years being a School Psychologist… and while I miss it sometimes… it wasn’t enough either.
So, I dove head first into my business… with my marriage at stake… and I made a TON of mistakes. A bunch of wrong turns. And a handful of very expensive lessons learned. But I also made some good decisions too. I have slowly built the business the way that I have dreamed of building it, and after countless arguments… my husband can finally see what I saw in the beginning.
I woke up puffy eyed and a little bit sad this morning… from the previous days’
knock down, drag out… exchange. But my spirits were lifted from some love that I was getting from of my friends in the photography world who probably know exactly the way that I was feeling the evening before.
Thank you to my photography family for the love, and for showing support when you didn’t even know that I needed it.