Part of My Heart Left This Morning

I used to be really independent.  Like, I probably changed my own diaper when I was younger.  That independent.  My parents told me that when we'd go on vacation I would always ask if I could move to the city we were visiting.  I probably would have, with or without my parents, if Child Protective Services wouldn't have been called on my parents for letting me!!  When it finally came time to go to college I sprinted out the door, and never stopped running.  Now I find myself in Las Vegas being everything but independent.

I miss my family.  I miss them so much that my heart hurts.  Once my husband and I began our own family a year and a half ago I really learned what family means.  It means calling your mom in the middle of the night when your 2 month old is sick; it means calling your mom in hysterics the day before you have to go back to work and leave your baby with a babysitter; it means Thanksgiving dinner together; it means celebrating the birthdays of all of your nieces and nephews; and it means sharing the tiny details of your life with the people who know you.  The real you.

For me I wish it meant walking down the street just to say hi; picking up my son from his Grandma's after I get off work; planning birthday parties; spending Christmas morning as a family and then going to Grandma's for dinner; and sharing the tiny details of my life while sitting in my mom's kitchen rather than over the phone.

For now, I have to be happy for what I have.  I wish that I could spend more time with my mom, but endless long-distance phone calls about nothing is something that I am not willing to give up either.  I am grateful that I have a mom who will hop on a plane and fly two states away to watch her grandson for a week when he gets kicked out of daycare.  I am happy and grateful that I have a mom who loves me no matter what kind of a mood I am in that day.  A mom who is happy to spend her days working on projects so that her grandson has a nice backyard to play in this summer.  A mom who is in love with her children just as much as I am with mine... that's a lot!!

Thank you, Mom.  I love you.